Hello everyone! Thank you all for the support you have all been truly wonderful people <3 I know I have been less active lately and only get on here once and a while to post a piece of art and then I disappear again! I'm so sorry! You all deserve an Update and I've been meaning to make one! I've been so busy because I have had a lot of projects (personal and professional) kind of taking over! It's very exciting but it's also very time consuming.
If you want to skip all the emotional stuff and just see what I'm working on, Jump down to the bold text!
As some of you may or may not know, I am a struggling freelance artist who is really just starting out. I have been out of college and technically in the "professional" world for almost a year. Although it has been a very difficult year to say the least. When I left school I had a job offer that I had accepted and was excited about, I won't name names, but a large TV animation company was going to take me on as an intern for a year, that would hopefully lead to a full time position. The project that they had hired all their artists for (including myself) ended up being canceled due to funding issues. I was absolutely crushed and ended up taking some time away from art. In the long run that was probably the worst thing to do, but hey you live and you learn right? So 3 months went by and I had maybe picked up a pencil a handful of times to doodle something I wasn't happy with only to feel the same cycle of unworthiness and stop drawing again. During this time I was applying to permanent art jobs with no luck. Out of the 150-200 applications I have sent out in the last 8 months, I have received 1 call back, and 1 interview that did not end in my getting the job. Yet again another thing that just made me feel unworthy of the title "professional artist". It wasn't until around the end of last year/beginning of this year that I started to seek freelance work more adamantly. In that short time I have been ripped off by companies, not paid the agreed upon amount, or sold my work for so little that I would have made more money hourly working at an under minimum wage job. All of this just added to the feeling of unworthiness and relentless feeling that I have failed in some way at what I once loved so much. Its never a good feeling to think that the you are bad at what you are suppose to do for a living.
As many of you know I also suffered a lot of health issues around the Holidays and leading into the first few months of the new year, I constantly felt lethargic and unmotivated. Thankfully I found an amazing group of doctors and with their help I am starting to feel like a normal 22 year old again.
Perhaps it was the burst of energy from feeling better, or the idea that the physical pain I have did in fact have a light at the end of the tunnel, but since then I seemed to have gained a second wind. I started to draw much more frequently, and enjoyed what I was working on. I started doing work in a way that I thought looked good or working on projects I thought were fun not because they would be popular or was what I felt companies were looking for but because I simply enjoyed it.
Yet I still feel a sense of unprofessionalism, or the need to hide my work. Mostly because the work I do now would be so frowned upon by my college art professors and even my fellow students from my old school. They were so concerned with hating on anything with the closest hint of anime or very cartoon-ish style. Fan art was also considered "cheap" and a waste of time and energy. I had been so concerned with their opinions of me and how they thought I would fit into the professional art world that I tried to force my art into a direction I was clearly uncomfortable with and incapable of. I've never been the painterly, high detail, realistic concept artist that seemed the only option to become if I wanted a career in video game/ animation art. I still somewhat feel this way, but I've come to accept that I like my work and how its style has evolved/ is evolving. I learned so much from art school and in no way think for a second it was a waste of time. I do wish it had been more helpful and more geared towards your progress and not measured by your financial success though. I will always remember the one professor, a previous "original" Disney concept artist (Mulan, Pocahontas, Lion King etc.), telling me that when he first started working at Disney he was also waiting tables, and that your financial security comes with time. He tried to make me feel like it was okay to not be immediately successful, and I think until just now I never really understood it or took it to heart. Another struggle is that I am currently living at home with my parents due to financial instability. Which feels embarrassing in itself and then add on top of that my parents complete lack of knowledge about art in general or the profession. They are both business people and feel that if you put in the time the results should reflect that (aka if I put more effort towards finding a job I would have one). Even though I apply to jobs every week they still don't see how objective this field is. They also don't have any understanding of how I could possibly make money off of the internet and choosing that as a possible career instead of a 9-5 job. I've been trying to let their comments roll off my back like water on a duck. I am not able to make a living off my art right now, and that is okay, because if I have learned anything from this past year it's that no matter how bad it gets or how unworthy I feel I always come back to drawing. It's something I couldn't even fathom to give up on all together.
Emotional Rant Over!
Well enough of the sappy emotional stuff. Now onto the exciting projects I'm working on! Like I said above I'm still freelancing and in an effort to reach a larger audience I have started up a twitch account! This has been something in the making for the past few weeks but it wasn't until yesterday that I did my first live stream! It was a little awkward at first and I feel kind of weird talking to a camera in an empty room while strangers watch me draw the same line 30 times and erase it, but it was a lot of fun! After about an hour I had a lovely and wonderful friend that I met on twitch "host" me. She sent 70 live viewers to my channel and I'm not going to lie it was a little overwhelming! But it could not have been more fun! I met some lovely people who had nothing but encouraging words for me and gained 16 followers and a 106 views on my first ever stream! It definitely felt like a success! I plan on doing a live stream 3 times a week at least, on Sunday Monday and Thursday from around 12pm-5/6 pm EST and hopefully a few extra streams scattered here and there on the off days. I do have a few friends who are partnered on twitch and my goal is to do the same, build a channel and hopefully be able to make it my daily job along with doing commissions and freelancing. I would be extremely grateful to any and all support on my channel! I know this will not happen over night, but I think its really exciting and hope that this pushes me further towards my ultimate goal of being able to call myself a Professional Artist.
Thank you all again. You are beautiful wonderful people and I can't stress that enough! This is going to be taking up a lot of my time, so I will have to take a break from my RP groups. I know I have been extremely inactive in them the past month to begin with an I apologize for the lack of information. I hope you all are happy and healthy and having a great year so far! <3
Links to my accounts:
Instagram: www.instagram.com/mollyscanlan…As always your support is greatly appreciated!